The basics

Simply stated, emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, manage and influence emotions in both in yourself, and in others, to promote growth, communication, relationships, and sound decision-making. If this sounds complex, that’s because it is. Often people will reduce the concept of EQ to simply being “nice” or “sensitive,” but it is far more than that.

The invisible influences

While it is generally agreed that EQ is not something we are born with, but rather something that is learned and developed over time, there are influences in play that can affect how we acquire and display emotional intelligence. For example, often boys are taught to suppress their emotions while girls are encouraged to express their feelings. These societal influences and expectations can have an effect on EQ but those influences and expectations can be overcome and/or managed.

Differences between IQ and EQ

While they only differ by one letter, there is a world of difference between Intelligence Quotient (IQ) and Emotional Intelligence (EQ) when it comes to influencing our behaviour and professional success.

You have probably heard of IQ tests, and maybe you’ve even taken one yourself. IQ, which tends to level off in early childhood, is a measurement used to determine cognitive abilities such as:

• reasoning
• problem-solving
• verbal comprehension
• memory

In contrast, EQ involves

• self-awareness
• self-regulation
• empathy
• social skills
• self-motivation

Unlike IQ, EQ can be learned and developed throughout your life. When it comes professional success, it is estimated that while IQ contributes about 20% to life and professional success, EQ accounts for approximately 80%. EQ is all about handling emotions effectively.

What could possibly go wrong?

One of the key aspects of developing and managing EQ is to recognize and counter emotional hijacking and emotional triggers.

Emotional hijacking occurs when the amygdala (emotional brain) overrides the cortex (rational thinking brain) causing immediate, often intense emotional reactions. While this is part of our survival response, it can lead to overreactions and poor decision-making in everyday life. Emotional hijacking has three phases: the initial surge (seconds), emotional afterglow (minutes to an hour), and lingering emotional residue (days to years) caused by overthinking.

Triggers are described as automatic and often subconscious emotional responses shaped by past experiences, beliefs, culture, trauma, and current environment. Recognizing personal triggers is essential for managing emotional hijacking.

Strategies to manage emotional triggers and grow your EQ

By following these strategies, you can help overcome emotional triggers that can lead to emotional hijacking and, in turn, grow you EQ.

When you are overcome by emotions, try to:

• Identify triggers by reflecting on the situation causing the disproportionate emotional reaction, noting the behaviors and environments involved.
• Observe physical cues such as a flushed face, shallow breathing, racing heart, or tension that signals an emotional spike.
• Understand underlying feelings behind your reaction, such as fear, shame, or rejection, and examine challenged beliefs.
• Delay your response by taking deep breaths, pausing conversations, or changing environments (e.g., taking a walk or a break) to avoid impulsive reactions.
• Use breathing techniques to lower your heart rate and signal safety to the brain, halting the emotional spiral.
• Decide mindfully whether to respond immediately or later and communicate the need for time, if necessary.
• Rehearse resilience by practicing these steps repeatedly to strengthen emotional regulation over time.

More to come…

Emotional intelligence is a vital skill for success and well-being, requiring continuous learning and self-awareness. In the second part of this series, we will explore emotional intelligence further, as explore how it relates to success in business.

For further insights into emotional intelligence, listen to our two-part podcast series, Unlocking emotional intelligence and Building emotional intelligence for leadership, sales and success available at ivari.ca/podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.